Telling the Truth
by lunarocks14
Summary: Remus/Sirius slash. Alcohol, after-thoughts, and an eventual truth-telling. Semi-hiatus, I promise to update this soon!
1. Chapter 1: Nothing, It Means Nothing

**A/N: So, my first Remus/Sirius fanfic! Reviews are very welcome, as are flames (I've never had one, and want one!)**

**DISCLAIMER: The fact I have to put this shows I don't own them 3: **

Chapter One: Nothing. It Means Nothing.

Remus sits on the sofa in the Common Room, staring into the fire, which sinks lower as midnight approaches... Passes... What else was he expecting?

As the minute hand on his watch slides towards the 12, he stifles a yawn. Nearly 3am. He should be asleep. And yet...

A noise jerks his head up, eyes fixing on the opening portrait hole.

"'Ello, Moony," Sirius slurs cheerfully. Drunk. Again. And what girl has he been with tonight? Just another in a long line of many. Sirius attempts to climb in, falls, and lies there on the floor, giggling slightly.

Remus gets up - he can't help it, it's like a magnet is pulling him - and walks over, bending down to offer his hand to Sirius to pull him to his feet.

Sirius takes him by surprise, yanking him down onto the floor next to him, and nuzzles into his neck. Remus' eyes widen, and he tries to pull away, but the other boy is stronger. "Sirius, you're n-not thinking straight."

"No, I'm thinking gay." Sirius won't let him escape, pulling him closer. He knows of Remus' sexuality. Everyone does, since he came out. Surprisingly, no-one cares. Some are even interested in him. But never the only boy he wants.

Sirius kisses Remus, taking him by surprise. He tries to resist him, but gives in, kissing back, eyes closing. His first kiss with a guy. But when Sirius' hand slips downwards, Remus' eyes open, widen, and he breaks the kiss. "Sirius, what does this mean to you?" He whispers, unable to meet his eyes.

There's a pause. "Nothing. It means nothing." Sirius answers. He always tells the truth, even when he's drunk.

Remus' eyes sting, and he breaks free from his best friend's grasp, getting slightly unsteadily to his feet, as if he's the one who's had a few too many. "That's the problem. To me, it means everything."

Sirius lies there, not moving, drunken-hazed eyes watching him blankly.

Remus turns, and walks away.

Unrequited love. Whoever knew emotional pain cuts deeper than any knife?


	2. Chapter 2: Liar, Nothing, Just A Liar

**A/N: This is written as a sort of internal rant, it's not Lily yelling at him or whatever. (Although that is a good idea...)**

**DISCLAIMER: Insert witty, well thought-out disclaimer here**

Chapter Two: Liar. Nothing, Just A Liar.

Coward. Nothing but a coward. You knew what you were doing, even when you'd had a few, so why did you act like that? The look in your best friend's eyes. You broke him. It's obvious, from the way he's acting now. Ignoring you, being altogether too friendly with that Ravenclaw guy. You're not even admitting to yourself why you're so jealous, confused, stomach-twistingly aching and regretful. But then again, you never do the right thing, do you? Always sleeping with girls, drinking too much, messing around in lessons... What do you think you're going to do in the future? You can't stay at Hogwarts forever, and you certainly can't keep on living with James' parents, especially when he moves out and gets his own place with Lily.

Is it really so hard to admit how you feel? Well, of course it is. You're Sirius Black, womanizer, player, girl-lover. You can't have feelings for a guy. One day you'll have to admit, you know that. There's no fear of rejection, he made that clear. James would kill you if he knew what you'd done to Remus. He's the most fragile Marauder, with scars that will never heal and a darkness no light can brighten. Oh, you hope you can. Is there any chance of that now? Now you've crushed him, stolen away his hope. Act intimate with him in any way, he'll think it means nothing. Call yourself a Gryffindor? You're no more courageous that your Slytherin brother, but that was obvious when you didn't try and stop Reg from getting the Dark Mark. Just refused to do the same, then ran off to live with James.

Excuses. That's all you do, make excuses. At the moment, you're delusioning yourself into believing any feelings you have for Remus are just a way of shocking your parents further. Falling for a half-breed, a male half-breed. In their eyes, that's what he is. But to you, he's Remus. Beautiful, calm, amazing, honest Remus.

And what are you in return?

A liar. Nothing, just a liar.


	3. Chapter 3: Coward Running From The Truth

Chapter Three: Coward, Running From The Truth.

**A/N: Hello again! I know I'm uploading fast, but if I were a faster typer I'd be uploading faster. I write this during school. :3**

**DISCLAIMER: I put one in, that says it all. **

Three days. Three days is really too long to avoid your closest friend for, but that's what Remus does. Avoids Sirius. He's too nerved-up and worried about the after-awkwardness of what happened to be able to speak with him. Lessons are easy – he just works with Peter, which is fair as the small, rat-like boy needs more help that James or Sirius. Free time, he spends in the Library, claiming to be revising non-stop for the exams. But, like now, at dinnertime, in the Great Hall, it's noticeable that he's sitting with Lily instead of his friends.

With a slight sigh, he looks up, and a sinking feeling comes over him. James is headed his way, with a determined look on his face. He hopes that it's an attempt to get Lily to date him, but as she gets up and leaves, James continues to stride towards Remus, slipping into the seat next to him that Lily has just vacated. Damn it, this must be serious. Literally.

"What's up with you and Sirius?" James asks, a frown creasing his forehead, eyes concerned behind his glasses. Not even the casual note he'd usually insert into a question like that.

Remus blushes lightly, dropping his gaze, although some part of him appreciates that James noticed. Should he tell him the truth? After Sirius, James is his best friend. But before he can speak, James is talking again. Quietly, eyes not meeting Remus'. "Did you... Y'know... _Try_ something with him?"

Remus stares at him. Betrayal shows itself in his eyes, followed quickly by pain, hurt and confusion. None of it shows in his expression or his voice. "No. No, I didn't. But I _love_ how you jump to conclusions." He speaks in a voice like acid. Just because he's gay, he's the one who tried something? The argument could've been over anything, for all James knows. Sirius obviously hasn't told him, at any rate. Remus jumps up, rushing off, just as James opens his mouth to speak. An apology or not, he doesn't know or care. Leaning up against the wall outside, he breathes deeply. Because James acted like Sirius was straight, totally straight, meaning Sirius hadn't said _anything_ to him about any gay feelings, meaning he doesn't like Remus and he'd been completely smashed when he'd kissed him, and probably doesn't remember kissing him, and is in fact now probably wondering why Remus is avoiding him... Because Sirius tells James everything, and the only reason he wouldn't is if he was ashamed of any (hypothetical) feelings for the werewolf, and that's nearly as bad as no feelings at all.

Not that Remus feels for him, of course. Well, he's been trying to convince himself this...

Coward. Running From The Truth.


	4. Chapter 4: He Deserves Happiness

Chapter Four: He Deserves Happiness

**A/N: Internal rant number 2 :3 This fanfic is probably going to be 13 chapters long, so the getting together (aka smut) scene can be Remus' POV and therefore not a rant like this. **

**Sorry for taking so long to update. I get distracted easily. x3**

**DISCLAIMER: -Disappointed that one is needed-**

You idiot. Why didn't you run after him? James upset him, somehow, probably jumping to conclusions like he always does. Like when you _tried_, honestly tried, to tell him how you feel about Remus, and he thought you were trying to say that you felt uncomfortable around Remus after finding out his sexuality, and tore a strip off you for the next hour. James and his principles. Although, in that case he was right. Homosexuality isn't wrong, or dirty, or any of the other million things he accused you of thinking.

How hard can it be to fix this situation? All you have to do is walk up to him, someplace private, and tell him you like him – no, love him. You won't, of course. You've never said "I love you", not since the first time you ever tried, when you were 12 and so _stupid, _dating that girl, only she dumped you before you could get the words out. You've never even said it to your family, or your friends. You just can't say it. When you try, panic rushes up inside you and you can't breathe. You're a Black, though. You're not meant to love, so falling for a werewolf – and a male at that! – makes you a black sheep. A black sheep in the Black family. A white sheep, maybe? Whatever you are, you're a liar, a good one. Always _acting_ so egotistical, and putting yourself down inside your head. _Pretending _to be straight. _Feigning _being so cool and casual... And so Gryffindor. Your whole life is a sham.

What is it that stops you telling him? Fear of rejection? There's no chance at that (and at this point you're again rewinding to his words, when he told you it means everything to him)... Or maybe there is. Three days he's been avoiding you for. Maybe he's got tired of you, finally. Given up, moved on, maybe to one of those Ravenclaw guys. Gays, who are _comfortable_ with their sexuality and _out_ of the closet and not _ashamed_ like you are. That Finnegan dude. The Smith "hottie" (you don't really see it, but then again, he doesn't look enough like Remus). And the manwhore, Damien whatever-his-last-name-is. You can picture Remus falling for Damien. After all, he liked (likes?) you. That thought, of him dating Damien, gives you pangs of jealousy. Go on, imagine it... Damien's hands all over Remus, touching him, pleasuring him...

No. That should be you. But you're too scared.

For once in your life, just do the right thing. He deserves happiness. Even if you don't.

**A/N: Reviews really appreciated; Thoughts wanted on possibility of a sequel, and how descriptive the smut should be. If I don't get any reviews, I'll go with instinct on the smut and do a sequel anyway. :3**


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